Saying Goodbye

“Mourn your goodbyes, but look forward to the ‘hellos’ you will soon be saying” – Wade Snowdon

How long has it been since I left home? Feels like weeks, when it’s only been two days. One short flight that took only an hour yet I feel so very far away and I already miss my family. There is something about knowing that I won’t see them again for a year that makes my heart yearn to see them once more. Even if it’s only been two days. And so I mourn my goodbyes.

I mourn my goodbye to my baby sister, who is not quite a baby anymore. I will miss her springy step and her desperate hugs when things aren’t quite right. I will miss being there for her and watching her take charge when others freeze up.

I mourn my goodbye to my Momma, who I was so short with in the days leading up to my departure. Yet she stayed calm and supportive, made me tea and gave me hugs. She fills my cup with much more than just tea. I will miss her. I will miss her. I will miss her.

I mourn my goodbye to my brother in law, who I always turn to for sound advice. I will miss watching him love my sister with such completeness. I couldn’t ask for a better big brother.

I mourn my goodbye to my little brother, who is so much more than just my little brother. My best friend, my certainty, my absolute joy. He makes me participate when I just don’t wanna, and he hugs me when I need it most. I will miss the way I can always get him to laugh. Always.

I mourn my goodbye to my Dad, who I should have hugged twice at the airport. There is nowhere I feel more safe than in his big embrace. I will miss his love and affliction. Yes, affliction, that crazy Dad.

I mourn my goodbye to my big sister. Best friends from birth. Wouldn’t have it any other way. I will miss her invitations to come over, her little puppy, and her constant love and hugs. I will miss telling secrets in the dark, telling secrets in the day, telling secrets on the phone…….

I mourn my goodbye to the Philips. My second home. My open door. My family. My refuge. My prayer.  My song. I will miss watching those kids grow, their awesome hugs, the quiet friendship and the loud welcome hugs. And the long, drawn-out goodbyes.

I mourn my goodbyes to all the friends who came to bid me farewell, and all of those were there in spirit. You are my beams when the roof wants to cave in.

And yet, through all of this, through all the tears and looking back, I celebrate. Because I will soon be saying “hello”.

Hello to Father Peter Paul, who I’ve heard so much about.

Hello to Rose, my new host Mom, I hope that we can be friends.

Hello to Valerie and Muigai, the Uganda country representatives. Can’t wait to meet them in person.

Hello to my students, who I hope I will learn from as I try to teach them what I know.

I am so sad to say goodbye, but I am so thankful there is so much to look forward to.